Five must-see films of summer 2013

The weather may be predictably unpredictable, but British summer can always be relied upon to bring us a host of decent films. Here are five to catch for when the rain is pouring and you've tired of tennis.

Monsters University

Friday 12^th July

Director: Dan Scanlon

Starring: Billy Crystal, John Goodman, Steve Buscemi

It’s been twelve years since Sulley and Mike first appeared on our screens in Monsters, Inc., allowing young fans of that film to grow up and reach a new life stage scarier than any monster: university. In Toy Story 3, Andy’s departure for university was timed just as those of us who grew up with the series were packing our bags, books and saucepans and leaving home ourselves. The result was cinemas full of weeping eighteen year-olds, nostalgic adults, and young children still laughing at Mr Potato Head wobbling about as a tortilla wrap. Hoping to draw a similarly diverse audience, the new prequel goes back to Sulley and Mike’s university days, where their initial impressions of each other are anything but favourable as they learns the tricks of the scare trade. By resorting to familiar characters in a situation now relevant to their old audience, Pixar are playing it safe in a bid to move on from the relative failure of Cars 2 and Brave. Will it be a roaring success or just scarily bad? With Finding Dory in the pipeline, let's hope this new run of sequels live up to expectations.

Despicable Me 2

Friday 28^th June

Director: Chris Renaud and Pierre Coffin

Starring: Steve Carrell, Ken Jeong, Kristen Wiig

Unlike Pixar, Universal waited only three years to release a sequel to their surprise hit Despicable Me, in which super villain Gru (voiced by Steve Carrell) found himself adopting three orphans in a bid to outdo his arch nemesis Vector (Jason Segel) by becoming the most notorious force of evil in the world. The whacky plot, witty script and fabulously memorable characters produced one of those rare films that makes you laugh more than is strictly appropriate in a public setting, and leaves you wondering what happens next. Now Gru and his dysfunctional crew are back, including the scene-stealing, dungaree-clad minions, but this time he’s using his evil skills for good, working with the Anti-Villain League to save the world. It’s a tall order, but if the sequel can produce the same high quality, quirky humour, we’re in for a treat.

Man of Steel

Friday 14^th June

Director: Zack Snyder

Starring: Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Russell Crowe, Michael Shannon

Following Chris Nolan’s moody Batman reboot, superhero films are no longer just fast, fun, quip-filled epics. Now, it’s all about the angst and burden that comes with having awesome powers. Traditionally, Superman has always been the ultimate good guy, unfailingly moral and bordering on indestructible, so naturally everyone scoffed at the thought of this primary-colour-clad icon as a troubled, isolated figure. And then the trailers came out, and we all stopped laughing and stared open-mouthed at a stubble-bedecked Superman apparently working on an oilrig. We may even have drooled a little. But we certainly put aside our doubts and got on board. Let’s hope it’s as tough as the name suggests.

The Bling Ring

Friday 5^th July

Director: Sophia Coppola

Starring: Emma Watson, Katie Chang, Israel Broussard

If the plot wasn’t based on real events, it would sound too ridiculous for a film. Fascinated with the hedonistic celebrity lifestyle that surrounds them, a group of wealthy LA teens decide to literally bag themselves a piece of it, by burgling the homes of the rich and famous. Having proved she can actually act in last year’s The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Emma Watson continues in her mission to shed her Harry Potter image as one of the bad girl burglars. However, early reviews are commending the performances of the relative unknowns who make up the gang, particularly Katie Chang and Israel Broussard. The gang’s obsession with fame, and their use of social media and the internet to target their victims makes for a pertinent look at the attractions and issues of modern celebrity culture.  

Now You See Me

Wednesday 3^rd July

Director: Louis Leterrier

Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Morgan Freeman, Woody Harrelson

Let’s forget that Movie 43 has conclusively proved that a talented cast does not guarantee a great film, and ogle what has got to be one of the best line ups this year. The dream team includes rising stars Isla Fisher, Dave Franco (James’ younger brother), and Jesse Eisenberg (yes, he’s definitely there somewhere behind the beard), alongside reliable regulars Woody Harrelson and Mark Ruffalo, and acting heavyweights Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine. Apparently burglars are the fashionable profession this summer: this gang relies not on the magic of the internet, but of, er, magic, to rob banks, giving their ill-gotten gains to their audiences in a charming Robin Hood-esque gesture. A weird meeting of The Prestige and Hustle, don’t expect subtlety, but marvel instead at the sorcery on offer in this summer blockbuster.

The World’s End

Friday 19^th July

Director: Edgar Wright

Starring: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Rosamund Pike

The third and possibly final collaboration between Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz writers Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright sees a group of old friends reunite in their home town to finish off a bar crawl started years before. However, judging by the huge explosions and glowing blue eyes observable in the trailer, all is not what it seems. Former collaborator Nick Frost is back, along with Martin Freeman, Paddy Considine and Eddie Marson, who head a stellar British cast. Judging by previous offerings, we can look forward to loopy characters, brilliant humour, true bromance and plenty of melodramatic action sequences.

Does Gru make you grin, or do you like Mike? Magic fan or man of steel? Share your thoughts and the films you're looking forward to in the comments below. Make sure that cinema trip happens, and send a subtle hint to your friends by sharing this post on Twitter or Facebook, and follow the blog for more film articles, summer posts and general snippets of joy.

Secret Santa: festive fun or the nightmare before Christmas?

Secret Santa is a bit like eggnog; for some it joins mince pies and hearing Wizard everywhere as another mark that Christmas has begun, while for others it’s more like a threat than a promise of festive cheer. Unfortunately, unless you plan on becoming your intended recipient’s personal Grinch, it is no secret that once begun it cannot be denied regardless of your personal feelings and complete lack of preparation.

Why does Secret Santa promote groans of grim dismay? Frankly, Christmas is hectic. There are presents to buy, cards to write and travel plans to be made, in between which we are under even more pressure than usual to go out and have a good time. Christmas attractions and shopping centres soon take on the feeling of a stampede or a sheepdog trial, with everyone wedged together struggling to maintain the requisite good will to all mankind. With this in mind, it can be stressful enough trying to find presents for people you have known for twenty two years, let alone trying to pick between a rubber duck or a scented candle for someone you barely know. And, if you’re really unlucky, you might end up having to present a gift to the one person in your halls whose head you most like to shove up a turkey’s backside. Clearly not the tidings of comfort and joy that Christmas is intended to promote among us.

However, for all these potential problems, secret Santa is, in some ways, about the true spirit of Christmas. You might well spend hours searching for just the right earrings for your friend, only to receive a toilet brush and a voucher for a free hug from someone who panicked five minutes before they left. This ensures that your attention really is on the spirit of giving. Furthermore, since the low budget means that jet-powered hovering rollerblades are unfortunately out of the question, the focus really is the thought that goes into the gift. While you may end up with someone you can’t stand (in which case go for the lump of coal), you may also get the chance to show your friend how much you appreciate them. Watching their eyes light up a little over that pair of leopard print socks does make you feel a bit like Santa on Christmas Day.

Maybe Secret Santa is actually more like a cupboard: you get out what you put in. Of course, I’m not referring to the bouncy ball and foam finger that someone thought you might like, but the feeling of surprising someone else with a thoughtful gift.

A Postcard Post

"I know there's a desk under here somewhere..."

Along with blurry photos, souvenir t-shirts and the sudden need for sunglasses, postcards are a sure sign that you are On Holiday. Whether depicting white sandy beaches at sunset or something involving a dirty pun, they are a way of telling family and friends exactly what you are up to while they are stuck at home.

There is something rather delightful about receiving a postcard from half way around the world (or even just Kent.) Postcards make you feel that despite a hectic schedule of camel racing, scuba diving and cheese rolling, your friend thinks enough of you to take the time to purchase a postcard, track down a suitably expensive stamp and hunt out a post box. Once they have popped through the letterbox and been suitably exclaimed over, postcards go on to take pride of place on a fridge or corkboard, or maybe on the Random Stuff Pile on the side. Once here, they become part of the furniture, remembered only when you are looking for that bank statement, pizza voucher or event poster.

There is always the slight chance that of the myriad of cards that you send, a few won’t make it. This can be particularly awkward if they are aware that others have received one. My dad claims that he sent my brother, sister and I one each from South Africa, yet while Claire’s and mine arrived shortly after him, Matt’s has apparently been lost in the mysterious swirling fog that is the worldwide postal service.

Given the unreliable nature of the post compared with instant forms of communication now available to us, it often seems like postcards are more effort than they’re worth. I generally buy postcards with the vague notion of perhaps sending them at some point, only to find them a year later, still in their little paper bag with a Eurocent coin and flimsy receipt floating around in the bottom. However, before undertaking the Mad European Dash, I made a solemn promise to myself that I would send postcards this year. In the light of this decision, we dutifully went through the rigmarole of buying, stamping and sending the postcards from a variety of beautiful, historical and generally postcard-worthy locations.

Was it worth it? In time-honoured tradition, we are currently waiting for the postcards to arrive after us. While three have made reached their respective fridge doors, five are still missing in action. This includes Matt’s, who seems to have fallen out of favour with the god of postcards. It certainly felt good to take a minute and think of home while standing in the middle of the fearsomely beautiful Vienna or a cold and windy Brussels street. While the simple messages I managed to fit on could easily have been conveyed quickly and overall more cheaply via text, the little moment of delighted surprise was worth the extra effort.

Lessons learned on a mad dash round Europe

No matter what angle he tried, she kept sticking her head in the way.

Along with various facts about Amsterdam canals and a profound understanding of the habits of the Austrian monarchy, my six days, six nights, six countries and approximately nineteen train journeys have taught me some invaluable lessons about how to travel.

Learn to pack light. Of course you intend to wear all four pairs of shoes, use every millilitre of conditioner and read all seven books when you are cavalierly throwing them into your suitcase. However, when you are standing forlornly at the bottom of the fifth flight of stairs you've come across in one Metro station, chances are that you would happily exchange Life of Pi or the red trainers that match the cardigan for the extra boost. Besides, when you’re collapsing into a train seat after a hard day of trekking through palaces and scoffing pastries, an iPod and magazine are more than sufficient entertainment.

Motorists in Europe will try to kill you. Be aware that motorists in Europe see pedestrians as sport rather than obstacles to be avoided. The friendly green man on the pelican crossing is not so much a signal that you may cross the road without danger of death as a challenge to try and do so. The traffic lights may officially be red, but be prepared for trams, motorcyclists and BMWs to hurl themselves at you without remorse. Indeed, every road crossing becomes somewhat reminiscent of that old game, in which you are frog trying to make it across the road without being squished. After employing many strategies, I discovered that the safest approach is to form a large group on either side of the road and cross together. While this may seem like a rather touching act of mutually beneficial camaraderie, it’s not: the aim is to make sure that you are in the middle with everyone else acting as a buffer between you and certain death at the hands of a malicious French driver.

No matter how high your grade, GCSE German will not help you. While certain phrases may have been useful when crafting that coursework or desperately trying to understand what the distant voices on the tapes were saying, in the real world no one cares that ‘Ich gehe gern ins Kino’ or that ‘je m’entend bien avec ma famille’. Confronted with a sign that doubtless conveys some vitally important information, the knowledge that ‘Ich habe eine Schwester’ suddenly seems deeply unhelpful. Furthermore, when you do work up the courage to respond in the native tongue (or a variation thereupon), the other party will inevitably respond in perfect English, which may even extend to sarcasm. Either book yourself into that foreign language course now, or avoid further humiliation by admitting defeat, tearing up the phrase book and going to America.

It is possible to execute a night-to-day look in a train toilet. Night trains may be a useful way of covering long distances, but they are not exactly conducive to stylish dressing, personal hygiene or daily skin routines. While the train company proudly advertises the onboard washroom, this turned out to be neither a room nor somewhere it is possible to wash more than a finger, owing to the fact it is actually an upright coffin with a sink thrown in. However, with a careful combination of wriggling, balance and grim determination, it is possible to enter as a pyjama-clad, make up-free, tired and dishevelled mess, and emerge a jean-clad, made-up, tired and dishevelled mess. Make sure you take baby wipes to replace your shower, a steady hand for the mascara and leave your best, carpet-scraping pyjamas at home. And if all else fails, throw on the dark glasses, grit your teeth and think about the croissant calling your name from the next exotic location.

Map reading is a crucial life skill. Consider the following exchange:

“We need to go down this street, through the park, along the canal and turn left.”

“No, it’s straight ahead, second left, first right, over the bridge and then third left.”

“That’s what you said yesterday, and we ended up in Calais.”
“Actually that was Hamburg.”

If you have ever found yourself in an unfamiliar location with a friend/relative/significant other, chances are you have had a variant of this conversation. It turns out that along with percentages and the names of the Tudor monarchs, map-reading is actually useful in real life as well as in school. At some point in your travels you will be lost. It may be that you are standing at the statue of an entirely different King Maximilian, are in the wrong city, or are desperately trying to find your Amsterdam hotel in the rain as it gets increasingly cold and dark. At this point, the ability to read a map correctly, preferably the first time, will seem very important. Fortunately, many big cities have large maps at various points in the city. While standing in front of these arguing may reveal you both as embarrassing tourists, if it means saving you a sprint to the station or a wrong turn down an alleyway, it’s worth losing the je ne sais quoi and finding that ‘You are here’.

These are not necessarily the most important lessons I learned on my travels. As you may have noted, there is no mention of how to securely attach your passport to an unused part of your leg, how to operate those foreboding lockers in train stations, or even details about the military planning required to send a postcard back to England. However, should you ever find yourself planning your own mad dash around Europe, I hope that these brief lessons will help you avoid discomfort, danger and deep humiliation.

Feel free to share any travel tips, tales or terribly unnerving warnings of your own below.