It's not just KPIs, EODs and NAVs that can leave you in a mind-twisting muddle at work. The unwritten social rules of the desk jungle require some untangling if you want to be a hit and not, well, Jerry. Here are six suggestions to stay in everyone's good books.
1. Don’t come in when you’re sick
You might think you’re impressing your
colleagues by dragging yourself to your desk when every microbe in your being
is telling you to stay in bed with a box of tissues and a meth lab’s worth of
Sudafed. In reality, not only are you are grossing everyone out, but your unnecessary
efforts put pressure on us to do the same when we inevitably catch your germs
and succumb to the same grizzly illness. Stay in bed, eat chicken soup, and
watch Game of Thrones. Your body and everyone in your immediate vicinity will thank you in the long run.
2. Do make/buy cake…
Forget taking on extra projects and doing
the tea run: the best way to ingratiate yourself with everyone at work is by casually rocking up with a chocolate covered something to fill that 3pm (or 9am) craving. It’s
not just the sugar rush that people appreciate – bringing in a treat shows you’re a sympathetic human
being who’s spotted the need for a morale boost. You’re basically a superhero
with an apron instead of a cape.
3. … but don’t be offended if people don’t want any
Most of your colleagues will likely be more
than happy to dig in the moment the clock strikes 12, but don’t be offended if someone politely declines. As
long as they aren’t tutting and moaning loudly about the disgusting calorie content
of Krispy Kremes, or muttering darkly about the gluten in that apple pie, they’re perfectly
within their rights to pass on the pudding. Understand that they’re probably still
grateful and give them the BOTD: they might have a special dinner planned, be desperately trying to follow a diet, or just not have the taste buds required to appreciate courgette cake.
4. Don't steal pens
It's just another rainy Tuesday morning at the office, when a solid gold, change-the-world, million-making idea bursts into your head like a floodlight on a stage, just waiting to be captured. You grab your notebook and reach for your trusty biro - only to find that some unscrupulous colleague has nicked it to write their shopping list. Pens are second only to hair clips and odd socks in their ability to disappear at will. Hide your stack somewhere discrete, and resist the temptation to grab someone else's when inspiration strikes again. If you're not part of the solution, you're just another pen thief.
5. Know your fruit allowance
Since you’re working in an office, you’ve
probably got at least 16 years of life behind you, during which time you’ve hopefully encountered fruit in some form. If your workplace is one of those caring kinds that get in a regular order of fruit, avoid annoying everyone by indulging in your share and no more. Use some common sense: no one is
going to expect you to split a banana with them or go halfsies on an apple, but that whole bunch
of grapes or the entire pot of dried dates is not a serving for one person. Don’t be a fruit hog - let everyone get their vitamin C. No one will feel like they've been conned, and you'll all be much better protected from the evil person bringing their lurgies to the weekly meeting.
6. Don’t contact people on their day off
Is the business about to go under without
that phone call? Is it a question only they know the answer to? Does it need answering right this moment to avoid a nuclear war? No? Put the phone down and delete that email draft. Even if the news you're dying to share is not strictly
business, and more along the lines of ‘I never even knew photocopiers could take the weight of two adults like that', they probably don’t want to
hear it while they’re soaking up the sun and a few margaritas on a Spanish
beach. Save it until the ‘Out of Office’ is off and they're back in work mode.
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